tonight, my most challenging ministry till date really made me feel super cui. so much so, halfway i really just shut myself in, and stayed there. i really detest the fact that i gave up, and hate the fact that i really want to throw it away even now. but the burden is there, hanging there and really, there's no giving up after making that resolve a few months back. in addition.. ______________________________________ :((

after clarence got off the bus, the journey back was horrendous. just reminded me so much of a day about almost 3 years ago and a promise to myself. the thoughts, the strain, the rain that came after it all became clear. clear as day. and there's no second guessing and no nothing left.

Even in this cui day, really, God uses the most unexpected of people at the least expected of moments. to bless, to remind. stop relying on my own stupid self, but to call on His name and trust. and to remind my forgetful self who He is, whose i am and therefore, who i am.

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling.
And you told me who i am,
i am Yours.